Sunday, August 29, 2010

Do You Hear the Words coming Out of Your Mouth???

 Scenario:  Person one says something like  "my purse was stolen"   maybe the person even got knocked down... ,  second person  parries with A) Oh my story is even worse!  blah blah blab...
Or B)  Oh that sucks.. I had that happen, I felt like had been raped.


um NO.

First person is just relating info, second person ( Ignoramus) really makes alot of mistakes IMHO, by trying to" outdo" or sympathise, in a passive aggressive pissing match...  The very mention of the word RAPE( out of context, usually used by people who HAVE not been through the joys of having your "sense of self" and safety stripped away literally) demeans , belittles or down plays what REAL victims of this crime have been through.

It denies the ones who no longer have a voice.
It makes others  who have survived feel LESS THAN,
Less likely to speak up, to feel worse because
Hey its just like a purse snatching, burglary, meh.

  • " You should be over it cus its no big deal, just bad sex". 
  • "You shouldnt have dressed that way"
  • "You should have known better".
  • "You shouldnt have been drinking".
  • "You got what you deserved"  
  • "You are just a whore"              ad infinitum.

Believe me, I ve heard, with my own lil ears, women be told these things.  It's called secondary wounding when friends, acquaintances, family disbelieve or try to blame the victim because they see the victim as a regular person up til then.  If it could happen to HER then it might happen to THEIR mom or sister or child or wife. So it has to be HER fault.

It takes away from the impact of the word RAPE.  Not burglary, not arson, not getting beat up cus you stole something from your ex... RAPE

Look at it this way:
Burglary:  Messy, broken dishes or things, fingerprint powder, cops not helpful but not hostile either. Shock at first,  but no need to PROVE you were robbed.  They take your word for it. You file an insurance claim, maybe talk it out with friends, remembering this could have been worse.

Rape: Disbelief by friends and family is commonplace.  Cops treat you as a suspect  to a certain extent: ( this is if one survives the rape, some dont.) 

you have to PROVE your chastity/virtue.

*8 hour rape kit complete with pubic hair combing standing on a sheet to gather body fluids, hairs and fibers. Be scraped, poked, swabbed, prodded in the very area that was once YOURS.  Your very inner being has been violated,  where a woman births her children, makes love with her partner of HER choice, it is her essence. At least she still has her mind. ( for awhile, and even that rebels eventually)

IF the guy is caught
If the woman can get courage to press charges. ( especially in DV rape)
IF the DA thinks there is a chance to win the case, you are in for  hours of prepping, lots of backlash even from family members.
then the trial, the questions, the dirty feelings  again.  Facing him down, praying that he does not get out and seek revenge.

    Rape is not about sex or if you were drinking... IT is A CRIME.  Longterm  outcome: suicide attempts, long showers scrubbing the stench and feel away and never getting clean enough.  Therapy and lots of it over the years, maybe medications. Emergency Birth Control, AIDS testing for up to 18 months while you and your partner pick up the shattered pieces of your love life.  Meanwhile, he has to wear a condom just so you don't pass the STD on to him. the atack is forever present between the two of you. Your partner has suffered a loss as well.  Your family, children pay the price for the attack as well ( and you feel guilt about THAT one too.) because they dont have the same mommy around. 

No matter how hard you try to get on with life, it is always in your mind.  Sure therapy helps, but a scent, a song, a sound can trigger a flashback even years later; especially if one has not dealt with it strongly and swiftly with therapy early on! Please get help!


So tell me, how this is just like being raped? 

When  we bandy about a word about like Rape, we dishonor the survivors young and old, the dead ones who did not survive their attack,  and the ones who could not stand be the walking dead... seeing no hope and taking the exit elevator.   Worse still, we are sending a message to others that there really isn't anything unique about this crime.  How wrong you are.


   Ever want a special button for the Internet? I picture a buzzer hardwired to my keyboard so I could give certain folks a little jolt when they type something stupidly hurtful..  Be a dumb ass and ZAP! ( just as a reminder, a second thought button so to speak. " are you sure you REALLY want to send this tripe??"   )

    I would like to think people think type before they write. I want to be the naive believer I was years ago, however the older I get, the more I see that some people are just needing to look down on people.

 Would they say that carp to people's faces??  I doubt they could do it in real life.  Too much chance to have their nose popped...just sayin...

 The thoughtless/moralistic/self righteous/ignorant  are more obsessed with the sound of their own thoughts  at times, than they are with care and concern for other's feelings.  JMHO.  Feel free to leave a comment and tell me what you think...even if you are one of those idiots that compares tit for tat.

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