Or B) Oh that sucks.. I had that happen, I felt like had been raped.
It makes others who have survived feel LESS THAN,
Less likely to speak up, to feel worse because
Hey its just like a purse snatching, burglary, meh.
- " You should be over it cus its no big deal, just bad sex".
- "You shouldnt have dressed that way"
- "You should have known better".
- "You shouldnt have been drinking".
- "You got what you deserved"
- "You are just a whore" ad infinitum.
Believe me, I ve heard, with my own lil ears, women be told these things. It's called secondary wounding when friends, acquaintances, family disbelieve or try to blame the victim because they see the victim as a regular person up til then. If it could happen to HER then it might happen to THEIR mom or sister or child or wife. So it has to be HER fault.
It takes away from the impact of the word RAPE. Not burglary, not arson, not getting beat up cus you stole something from your ex... RAPE
Look at it this way:
Burglary: Messy, broken dishes or things, fingerprint powder, cops not helpful but not hostile either. Shock at first, but no need to PROVE you were robbed. They take your word for it. You file an insurance claim, maybe talk it out with friends, remembering this could have been worse.
you have to PROVE your chastity/virtue.
*8 hour rape kit complete with pubic hair combing standing on a sheet to gather body fluids, hairs and fibers. Be scraped, poked, swabbed, prodded in the very area that was once YOURS. Your very inner being has been violated, where a woman births her children, makes love with her partner of HER choice, it is her essence. At least she still has her mind. ( for awhile, and even that rebels eventually)
IF the guy is caught
If the woman can get courage to press charges. ( especially in DV rape)
IF the DA thinks there is a chance to win the case, you are in for hours of prepping, lots of backlash even from family members.
then the trial, the questions, the dirty feelings again. Facing him down, praying that he does not get out and seek revenge.
Rape is not about sex or if you were drinking... IT is A CRIME. Longterm outcome: suicide attempts, long showers scrubbing the stench and feel away and never getting clean enough. Therapy and lots of it over the years, maybe medications. Emergency Birth Control, AIDS testing for up to 18 months while you and your partner pick up the shattered pieces of your love life. Meanwhile, he has to wear a condom just so you don't pass the STD on to him. the atack is forever present between the two of you. Your partner has suffered a loss as well. Your family, children pay the price for the attack as well ( and you feel guilt about THAT one too.) because they dont have the same mommy around.