I got this from Linda K... I know more than a few women who can identify!
The Bathing Suit
When I was a child, the bathing suit for the mature figure was boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift; they did a good job. Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.
The mature woman has a choice - she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can wander around every run of the mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of florescent rubber bands.
What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark attacks as any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whip lash.
I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place, I gasped in horror - my boobs had disappeared! Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it, flattened beside my seventh rib.
The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.
The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fit those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough wearing undersized cling wrap.
As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, 'Oh, there you are,' she said, admiring the bathing suit.
I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me.
I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serving ring.
I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.
I tried on a black number with a mesh midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.
I tried on a bright pink suit with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear it.
Finally, I found a suit that fit - a two-piece affair with a shorts style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.
When I got home, I found a label which read 'Material might become transparent in water.'
So, if you happen to be on the beach, or near any other body of water this year, and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a t-shirt!
Monday, July 6, 2009
The Shema
Favorite quotes
I must have a USA Today kind of mind... short attention span and all that rot.
Anyway I wanted to list some of out favorite quotes; I think this is sort of fun to get to know one another...
''Life's tough......it's even tougher if you're stupid.''
-- John Wayne
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" Eleanor Roosevelt
Anyway I wanted to list some of out favorite quotes; I think this is sort of fun to get to know one another...
''Life's tough......it's even tougher if you're stupid.''
-- John Wayne
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" Eleanor Roosevelt
I m icky tired today..
I cannot seem to get over the trauma of seeing a man die on Friday. Right in front of me as my fiance did chest compressions on him. I prayed and stood near his head, looking down into his eyes and as the pressed his chest, a tear slid out of his eye and down his cheek. I happened to be praying for his momma at that moment, knowing that someone tonight was going to get lifechanging heartache tonight.
His entire 25-30 years had come down to this 5x 5 square of dirt beside the Beltway. His helmet off, surrounded by 12 strangers hoping he would be saved. I wouldnt want to die alone like that....
After 20 minutes, the ambulance came and the crew took over, two minutes later Life Flight landed. I never did see the ambulance drive over to the chopper.
His motorcycle had dealer tags on it, lying on its side in the dirt. He had hit the curb while overcompensating, jumped into the scrabble dirt on the side and tried to stay on. His whole life was that last 100 feet. And then ... nothing.
A snap and it is over.
Words fail me.
His entire 25-30 years had come down to this 5x 5 square of dirt beside the Beltway. His helmet off, surrounded by 12 strangers hoping he would be saved. I wouldnt want to die alone like that....
After 20 minutes, the ambulance came and the crew took over, two minutes later Life Flight landed. I never did see the ambulance drive over to the chopper.
His motorcycle had dealer tags on it, lying on its side in the dirt. He had hit the curb while overcompensating, jumped into the scrabble dirt on the side and tried to stay on. His whole life was that last 100 feet. And then ... nothing.
A snap and it is over.
Words fail me.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
No more Absolutes?
In the United States, 1.3 women are raped every minute.
That results in 78 rapes each hour,
1872 rapes each day,
56160 rapes ech month and
683,280 rapes each year.
1 out of every 3 American women will be sexually assulted in her lifetime.
The United States has the world's highest rape rate of the countries that publish such statistics. It's 4 times higher than Germany, 13 times higher than England, and 20 times higher than Japan.
from Cease at http://oak.cats.ohiou.edu/~ad361896/anne/cease.html
Is there a direct correlation between our violent culture in America? I love America and am very blessed to have been born here. I have travelled extensively around the globe ( except the East). I have always felt safe in foreign cities, unlike in some of the US. I know it is unpopular to speak out against guns or violent images, videos that objectify women, numbing young men to the effects of their actions with weapons. Even grown men see no problem playing a game that helps you score if you run over a hooker after you have sex with her.
There have been rapes and brutalizations in many cultures over millenia. I am not saying we have it worse than 1000 years ago. And life here is far less brutal than in many Third World countries, but considering we are a "civilised" society with many advatages and much more wealth than other countries, I believe that we are sorely lacking in educating our children about the culture that is swirling around the drain.... and taking our kids with them. Parents do not always supervise or interact with their children/teens, instilling a core belief system of right and wrong. There are no more absolutes it seems.
When I saw my guy drooling over some commercial with a beautiful young woman, rubbing whip cream over her thighs and moaning, I asked him what he would think if men were thinking that way over his daughter. He said he would kill them. I pointed out that woman was someone's daughter.
Why do women have to educate their men on what is acceptable? He is a grown man with two parents who raised him. Why did no one tell him that it was not cool to be "one of the guys", laughing at smutty jokes, playing with their guns, denigrating women? We have been together 5 years now, and he has grown through many of the conversations we had in those early years.
I have a daughter who should not have to walk in fear or educate men on how to treat another human being. Fortunately, she is not a doormat. I learn much from this sweet child!
That results in 78 rapes each hour,
1872 rapes each day,
56160 rapes ech month and
683,280 rapes each year.
1 out of every 3 American women will be sexually assulted in her lifetime.
The United States has the world's highest rape rate of the countries that publish such statistics. It's 4 times higher than Germany, 13 times higher than England, and 20 times higher than Japan.
from Cease at http://oak.cats.ohiou.edu/~ad361896/anne/cease.html
Is there a direct correlation between our violent culture in America? I love America and am very blessed to have been born here. I have travelled extensively around the globe ( except the East). I have always felt safe in foreign cities, unlike in some of the US. I know it is unpopular to speak out against guns or violent images, videos that objectify women, numbing young men to the effects of their actions with weapons. Even grown men see no problem playing a game that helps you score if you run over a hooker after you have sex with her.
There have been rapes and brutalizations in many cultures over millenia. I am not saying we have it worse than 1000 years ago. And life here is far less brutal than in many Third World countries, but considering we are a "civilised" society with many advatages and much more wealth than other countries, I believe that we are sorely lacking in educating our children about the culture that is swirling around the drain.... and taking our kids with them. Parents do not always supervise or interact with their children/teens, instilling a core belief system of right and wrong. There are no more absolutes it seems.
When I saw my guy drooling over some commercial with a beautiful young woman, rubbing whip cream over her thighs and moaning, I asked him what he would think if men were thinking that way over his daughter. He said he would kill them. I pointed out that woman was someone's daughter.
Why do women have to educate their men on what is acceptable? He is a grown man with two parents who raised him. Why did no one tell him that it was not cool to be "one of the guys", laughing at smutty jokes, playing with their guns, denigrating women? We have been together 5 years now, and he has grown through many of the conversations we had in those early years.
I have a daughter who should not have to walk in fear or educate men on how to treat another human being. Fortunately, she is not a doormat. I learn much from this sweet child!
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